when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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