So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize