What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
