dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
