Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize