Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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