I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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