then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
