So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
