a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
