i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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