i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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