I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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