My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize