how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My life is pants optional.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
