Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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