didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
