I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize