"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just threw up on my dentist
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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