So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
