I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
