I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We left the knife in your bed.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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