Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
