Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
