Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
