dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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