Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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