When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
