we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
