My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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