I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
