DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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