I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
