WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
pray to the hookup gods
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
