And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize