Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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