Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
