My underwear smells like fireworks.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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