dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize