He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
