Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
