i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
