Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
