I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
