i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
