I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
