1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There's always time for handjobs
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
