the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
