can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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