the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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