I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
