Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i think i have herpe
just one?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
