I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize