Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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