my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
