Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
