I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
