it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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