Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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