someone threw a dead crab at me
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
