I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize