A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
