so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
