Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
