Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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