I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
