Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
