the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
