Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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