What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
