It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
