just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
