you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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