I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
