I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
