do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Drunk is not a location!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
