I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
