I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
