first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
