ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So squirting runs in the family.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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