I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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