kristin has been a bad kristin
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
