I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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