end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
