dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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