put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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