Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
there is puke in my bra ... again
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
