The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
