So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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