I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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