3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
