Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Randomize
