The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
