My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
