i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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