Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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