I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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