My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
