girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
