I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
