I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Randomize
