god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
