im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
