roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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