I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
