I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
