she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
