she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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