Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
why is half of my head shaved?
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