I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
