I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
